Postmates’ Don’t Cookbook wants you to do just that

Postmates

Postmates’ “Don’t Cookbook” has more than 200 un-recipes, each one consisting of artwork featuring the named food, usually in some kind of quirky setting: a cowboy-suited kid riding a taco, a poke bowl with a brachiosaurus, chicken wings flying through the sky. The recipes are, shall we say, less than helpful. The taco recipe calls for “Yee, Haw, Taco, Ride, and Smooth.” Good luck picking those up at your local Kroger. The directions are even more fun, as these are more likely to resemble some sort of food-related Zen koan: “1) The key to riding an angry taco is to wear a really big hat. 2) The bigger your hat, the easier to balance. 3) The easier to balance, the smoother the ride. 4) The smoother the ride, the less taco stuff that gets jangled loose and scattered all over your boots and the ground. 5) Order tacos.”

There’s also a downright apocalyptic chicken wing recipe. The ingredients list is an ominous chant: “Chicken Drum, Chicken Drum, Chicken Drum, Dip,” while the directions read like minimalist-poetry-meets-end-times-prophecy: “1) Giant wings careen toward the most delicious dip of all. 2) It’s either a scrumptious snack or the end of humanity, depending on which end of the wing you’re on. 3) Order chicken wings.”

Postmates’ Don’t Cookbook is a marketing stunt, of course

Postmates

Yes, every recipe in Postmates’ “Don’t Cookbook” ends with “Order [name of food].” Not only that but there’s a QR code to access that item through your local Postmates. The real surprise, however, is that the “Don’t Cookbook,” priced at $50, actually sold out (via HypeBeast). Despite alleged customer comments including, “This ‘Don’t Cookbook’ made me want to not cook again and again,” and “This ‘Don’t Cookbook’ should be required reading for anyone who’s ever washed a dish. You know you never want to do that again, now prove it,” we suspect the book was snapped up by people who can afford $50 gag gifts … or Postmates delivery fees. (Perhaps Seth Rogen picked up a few copies.)

If you still want to get your hands on a copy, you can put your name on the waiting list for a second print run. As an alternative, you could check out Postmates’ Instagram, where they’ve posted a number of pics from the cookbook. Okay, so you miss out on the poetry, but you do get to read the always-entertaining comment threads. They consist mostly of customers who were dissatisfied with the Postmates experience. Plus, the money you save might be almost enough to get a burger, fries, and a small soda from Postmates. Or you could always buy a real cookbook and have enough change to buy groceries for more than a few meals.

Postmates’ Bizarre Cookbook Has No Recipes

Postmates

By Maria Scinto/April 20, 2021 2:53 pm EST

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Postmates’ Don’t Cookbook wants you to do just that

Postmates’ “Don’t Cookbook” has more than 200 un-recipes, each one consisting of artwork featuring the named food, usually in some kind of quirky setting: a cowboy-suited kid riding a taco, a poke bowl with a brachiosaurus, chicken wings flying through the sky. The recipes are, shall we say, less than helpful. The taco recipe calls for “Yee, Haw, Taco, Ride, and Smooth.” Good luck picking those up at your local Kroger. The directions are even more fun, as these are more likely to resemble some sort of food-related Zen koan: “1) The key to riding an angry taco is to wear a really big hat. 2) The bigger your hat, the easier to balance. 3) The easier to balance, the smoother the ride. 4) The smoother the ride, the less taco stuff that gets jangled loose and scattered all over your boots and the ground. 5) Order tacos.”

There’s also a downright apocalyptic chicken wing recipe. The ingredients list is an ominous chant: “Chicken Drum, Chicken Drum, Chicken Drum, Dip,” while the directions read like minimalist-poetry-meets-end-times-prophecy: “1) Giant wings careen toward the most delicious dip of all. 2) It’s either a scrumptious snack or the end of humanity, depending on which end of the wing you’re on. 3) Order chicken wings.”

There’s also a downright apocalyptic chicken wing recipe. The ingredients list is an ominous chant: “Chicken Drum, Chicken Drum, Chicken Drum, Dip,” while the directions read like minimalist-poetry-meets-end-times-prophecy: “1) Giant wings careen toward the most delicious dip of all. 2) It’s either a scrumptious snack or the end of humanity, depending on which end of the wing you’re on. 3) Order chicken wings.”

Postmates’ Don’t Cookbook is a marketing stunt, of course

Yes, every recipe in Postmates’ “Don’t Cookbook” ends with “Order [name of food].” Not only that but there’s a QR code to access that item through your local Postmates. The real surprise, however, is that the “Don’t Cookbook,” priced at $50, actually sold out (via HypeBeast). Despite alleged customer comments including, “This ‘Don’t Cookbook’ made me want to not cook again and again,” and “This ‘Don’t Cookbook’ should be required reading for anyone who’s ever washed a dish. You know you never want to do that again, now prove it,” we suspect the book was snapped up by people who can afford $50 gag gifts … or Postmates delivery fees. (Perhaps Seth Rogen picked up a few copies.)

If you still want to get your hands on a copy, you can put your name on the waiting list for a second print run. As an alternative, you could check out Postmates’ Instagram, where they’ve posted a number of pics from the cookbook. Okay, so you miss out on the poetry, but you do get to read the always-entertaining comment threads. They consist mostly of customers who were dissatisfied with the Postmates experience. Plus, the money you save might be almost enough to get a burger, fries, and a small soda from Postmates. Or you could always buy a real cookbook and have enough change to buy groceries for more than a few meals.

If you still want to get your hands on a copy, you can put your name on the waiting list for a second print run. As an alternative, you could check out Postmates’ Instagram, where they’ve posted a number of pics from the cookbook. Okay, so you miss out on the poetry, but you do get to read the always-entertaining comment threads. They consist mostly of customers who were dissatisfied with the Postmates experience. Plus, the money you save might be almost enough to get a burger, fries, and a small soda from Postmates. Or you could always buy a real cookbook and have enough change to buy groceries for more than a few meals.